saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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