Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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