Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize