As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
