I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
