You just made me feel so damn special
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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