I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
