honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
