My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize