So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
