We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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