My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
