some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
