He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
