i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize