dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
