I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
