I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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