I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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