so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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