so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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