you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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