this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
