Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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