ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
