you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
