He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she looked like the before picture.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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