Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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