After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
