what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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