If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
