maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
