My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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