I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
