if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
