who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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