you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
