my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
