i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize