don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize