After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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