my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
