did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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