That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
