theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
