so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
