at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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