..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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