Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
