I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
