There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
