let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
