he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
