i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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