he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i am craving dick and cupcakes
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
