Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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