i just had sex bonerless
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize