well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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