I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize