Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
