that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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