It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
