I look better un-naked...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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