I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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