chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize