Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize