you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
