Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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