Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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