we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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