I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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