Will you blow on my dice?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
