i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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