I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I smell stomach acid.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
