Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
