It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
