Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
