drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
