This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
