So drunk its hurt
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
